what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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