he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
