I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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