ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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