I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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