Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
