at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
