You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
