i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
