'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
