guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
