yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
