The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize