I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
