HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i've created a new STD.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
