You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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