there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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