My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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