Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
