i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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