If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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