I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
