Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
