I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
