hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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