"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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