the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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