Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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