Plan B is the new Plan A
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize