I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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