So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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