the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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