What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
do nipples grow back?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
