So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"