Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...