Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning