We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
