how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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