census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
