I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
