those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
