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I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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