respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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