I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
