soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
