i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
