It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
