I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
