You made me cry and you don't even care
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Randomize
