we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
