Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
