How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
