what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He did a backflip because drugs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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