awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They took my balls.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
