17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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