Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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