I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
