Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
