i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
