"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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