you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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