Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
