Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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