I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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