my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
