so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
