You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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