So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
