The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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