I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
