my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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