Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
