Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
