Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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