you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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