and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have post one night stand depression
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
