Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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